Just spotted your comment from yesterday Jen, thank you! I did of course know the 'Wallace & Gromit' story, which she was inspired to leave after my guilty, shameful confessions and the contact lens story, but had forgotten it.
Yes, if you fancy starting your day with hysterical laughter and tears - and not being able to breath - please visit the 'The perfect hostess?!' posting following last week's PRide Awards and check out her comment. She has inherited much more of my dear Dad's caustic wit than me, which is why she's won the most 'Christmas Comment' awards over the years. Hands down.
I shall explain:
"I got the tits, she got the height" - to an old school friend of mine in the Newcastle Arms on Christmas Eve, who said we didn't look much alike (I look like Dad, not a trace of Fran looks-wise, she has a bit of both. At 5ft 8 I'm the tallest person in my family bizarrely - even my dear Dad was just 5ft 7, so were several people on Mum's side - the rest are a bunch of short-arses really! Jennie has also relieved herself of any trace of her strawberry blondeness to much bleaching over the years too!)
"Fuck off, never mind Chekov" - an aside to our team during the many quizzes and games fun times we have at Fran's every Christmas day night (record for lunch stands at 18 I think, Mum? It's always a squeeze and juggling act, please don't be imagining a mansion, as lovely as it is). It was aimed at a young girl who is part of our gang and has been blessed with a private education thanks to her Dad being in the RAF. In the 'Who Am I?' game, Laura Walters - there is absolutely no point trying to hide who this is, is there?! - had chosen a character from 'The Importance of Being Earnest' which she had just starred in at school. We had drawn a blank, no-one was really on that wavelength by that time in the evening (usual suspects included people's pets, The Queen, Jeremy Clarkson - you get the gist), and she said "Oh, you people no nothing about plays."
One year it was however the dear, departed 'Uncle' Geoff Wilde (very close family friend and a former British Rail worker who was fiercely proud of it too - he worked at Worksop and was also one of many people I know whose Mother was driven a few miles down the road so that he could be born in Yorkshire, not that there's anything wrong with Nottinghamshire of course, far from it) who won.
It was with the perfectly timed, delivered, and staged "Merry Fucking Christmas Jen" - to alert my dear Mum to Jennie's use of foul-language in front of my Godmother who was giving us the usual 'pile into Pam's Taxi' lift home (someone always ends up spread across the back seat - I am grateful for my height that it's never me!) the night before (inadvertently). She was recounting the tale of the young chap she had been trying to 'play with' out in the Newcastle Arms on Christmas Eve, who was a little less than responsive shall we say. "Honestly, it was like getting blood out of a fucking stone".
There are many many more Christmas stories, too many for now. Bet you have some gems too - when you're ready please guys and gals! I love 'em all. What about 'I'm dreaming of a Worksop White Christmas' as a starting idea - come on those from back home...show this Leeds lot what you're made of!
Incidentally, until quite literally a couple years ago, my dear Mum was known for having only said the F word out loud once in her lifetime (she was pregnant with me at the time and it was directed at my 'Uncle' Geoff Battrum, Dad's best mate and partner in crime at the golf club, rugby club, pub club, you get the picture. Think Jim Royale in size, stature and opinions and you won't be far off. Touch more of Rolf Harris in there as well. Love him to bits though, but we've had our moments too!). I'm sure Fran would like to still claim that to be the case, but she'd be lying. Big time!
Jennie's prize consists of tickets to see Take That on 23rd December - watch out Gary, again - and tickets to see French & Saunders (now 3rd March, moved from 25th Feb, not sure if I got round to telling you this). You are completely off-the-hook from doing any work for me in return for these and can have a full Christmas present. Deal?
See, I did mean proper prizes!
Love ya Jen
Clancy xxxx
p.s. Neither of us have ever really got the concept of eyes OR lips when it comes to our make-up have we? We like blusher and bronzer too don't we?! This pic was also taken at last week's PRide Awards - before I snapped me new necklace!
Would you believe that someone once accused me of being a FEMINIST once. Shall I send them a link to this blog...?!
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